It's crazy to think of all the times, when I was younger, that I hoped I would just die. To end it all, to make it stop hurting. To not take the pills anymore that made me feel crazy and no less sad than I was to begin with. To not be a burden and bring those around me down.
I was so lost and so confused and so sad that I let the feelings take over. In my mind, there was no other way out.
And although I know I will be on these pills for life, I've come to terms with it. If one little pill helps me be this happier person now, I am willing to take it every day for the rest of my life.
Because I understand now. That sad girl who wished she would die is not me. That girl who spent days in bed panicking over going to school, over hanging out with friends, over being afraid, is not me.
I understand that I am a happy person. I smile when the sun shines into my room in the morning, when I'm with friends and family, and I laugh when something is funny. For once, I feel alive, which was what I should have been wishing for the whole time I was wishing for death. I should have been hoping to feel alive.
I am alive. So why should I waste my time wishing for death?
I have so much more to offer this world.
I'm who I am; pills included.