need

When I first saw this, I thought it was true. But right now, I don't feel it.

I can't believe how much I've been thinking about you. In a week, it will have been a year.
An entire year.
And I was so ready to let go so long ago. I was so happy to forget and stop feeling this way.
But I can't.
You're always there. You're always around.
It sucks to admit that I need you in my life; I want you in my life.
You are the only person I have loved this much. Ever. It has never been this intense. It has never lasted this long. It has never been like this. Never. I need you.
I want you.
I miss you.
I love you.
Fuck. This hurts. This sucks, so much.
I always think of you. You're always on my mind. I'm always trying to figure out if you're with someone else or if you're waiting for me or what you even fucking think of me. Do you think of me at all?
This just hurts. I want it to stop. I haven't felt this desperate in so long and I need you. I fucking need you.
Why can't I just talk to you? Because I'm stubborn? But even if you did feel the same way about me it could never work because everyone else in my life fucking hates you because of what you did to me.
But I need you. I need you.
Fuck.

valentino

Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god these are so beautiful.

boys like girls

You can't spend your whole life holding on.

dancing in libraries

Here I am, sitting in a corral in the library at my university, listening to some Prince Caspian and dancing slightly in my seat.
Today I am feeling good.
Yes, good.
Can you believe it? I have nothing to complain about, other than the fact that my back is freaking out due to midterm stress. But the past two days have been very productive and great for me. I can't believe I'm even taking the time right now to blog. That's how busy and productive I've been. Zero breaks. It feels great but I know I can't keep pushing myself because I will eventually burn out. I'm just hoping that I don't burn out until after my two midterms on Monday.
Yesterday, the day started off hectic. My alarm decided not to go off. Luckily, the great MC texted me which woke me up with ten minutes to spare before I had to leave to catch my bus. I quickly got dressed, slapped on some mascara, grabbed my purse and coat, and was out the door like lightning! Me? Ready in ten minutes?! Are. You. Serious.
Anyway, it was a great class that we sat through which was also when I went through the Elie Saab couture line. After class, MC and I went to the archives to complete a project and the absolute sweetest girl was working there and helped us out. She was great and I wanted to take her home with me and feed her Cheerios (because feeding others Cheerios is something I like to do). After that, I went home and cleaned the entire house, typed up my weekly journal for a class, and completed the project that I had to visit the archives for. I even took the time to shower, and -gasp- shave my legs. Never have I ever been that happy to shave my legs. Remind me to never neglect my outward appearance for three and a half weeks ever again. I also did my eyebrows. Win.
I also phoned my potential place of work and was told I've been chosen for the next step of the hiring process. I have to go in on the 15th for job simulation and an application process. This job will allow me to work shifts for four months and collect a generous sum of money which will pay for next years tuition, rent, utilities, and groceries and hopefully will still allow me to have spending money throughout the year. Needless to say, I am going to bust my ass for this job. There is no way I am not going to get it. There is simply no way in hell I am not getting this job.
Anyway, today I got up early (with no help from my alarm clock, ONCE AGAIN), and met MC on campus, grabbed a nice breakfast of Tim Hortons bagel and coffee, and then moseyed on over to the library to do some studying for one of our midterms. After that, we went to find some more images for our project, I got my change of programs letter signed, and then went to three hours of class which were absolutely glorious. I am not kidding. I love my semester of all art history classes. I absolutely love it.
After that, I came back to the library where I now reside and worked on my research for my midterm for another hour and a half. Now I am taking a half hour break before I finish up my photo project. Also, I'm texting a cute boy. How much better could these days get? I am stoked. Please don't let this feeling end.
I hope you are all being as productive as I am, because this feels absolutely great. I'm so excited that I'm this stoked on life right now and it's all because I am no longer sick and dragged down by Days Of Birth.

Moreover, I enjoy being MIA with regard to the internet and my phone like I was yesterday.
It's such a good feeling to not rely on anything or anyone but myself.
Well, it's time to do my photo project quickly and then scurry on home to make myself something to eat. I hope you're all having a lovely day.

Also, I am a Little Monster. (Love you GaGa).

sad, in its purest form

It seems like every time I start to forget you, I remember you all over again.
I keep seeing your face, the look you gave me the last time I saw you.
I was shivering, you held my eyes with yours, and I thought I saw something.
Guilt. Remorse. Lust.
I saw "I'm sorry" and "You got what you deserved" all in the same glance.
I know my eyes looked hard.
Masking my emotions is what I'm good at.
Behind that, though, I was simply sad.
Nothing else.
Just a small, simple emotion.
The opposite of happy.
A word we learn before we even attend school.
Sad.
Just sad.
In its purest form; sad.

loveology

Are you ready to answer these questions honestly even if it starts to get hard?
Nothing is hard. Hard is for the weak.

How old is the last person you kissed on the lips?
Twenty-six.

Who was the last person to make you cry?
My throwing up.

What color shirt were you wearing when you had your last kiss?
I really want to say black... but I think I'm lying because I was wearing a black cardigan. So it would have been a different colour. OH! White tank, black fancy tank on top.

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?
I either want to work with art (gallery?), stomp the runway (haha), or be a chef.

What are you currently listening to?
The Reason - Papercuts & Exit Wounds.

Do you wish someone would turn up at your front door right now?
I wish. I really do. Two people, actually. I would just hold on and I wouldn't let go again.

Who was the last person you had a face to face conversation with?
Rebecca and Alex.

What were you doing at 12 am last night?
Trying to sleep and failing miserably because my sheets didn't smell like home (or you).

What's in your wallet?
Money, though very little. Credit card, ID, important phone numbers, bank card, online banking paper thing... That's all I can think of right now.

What's under your bed?
Nothing. Carpet.

Do you sleep with anything?
A bunch of stuffed animals, but mostly just my teddy and blanket.

filthy minded people...
Are hilarious.

Has someone ever called you handsome?
I don't know.

Do you miss anyone?
Yes. With my whole heart.

What are you drinking?
Nothing at the moment.

Love really is a beautiful thing, huh?
It can be. When it's real.

Did anything dramatic go down yesterday?
Not overly. I was still sick though.

Are you afraid to stay home all alone?
No. I'm home alone right now. I spent a week alone. It's not a big deal, hah.

Does the person you like, like you back?
Yeah, I think so.

Have you ever walked away from someone who was yelling at you?
Yeah. It's not worth it to me.

Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them?
For a couple days, then I fix it. I just need time to calm down.

Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours?
MC today!

When you say you don't care do you mean it?
Usually. I don't use that term lightly.

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
Unfortunately not. I am meeting the lovely MC for some study time, then some scavenger hunting time, then some class time!

Do you like to take walks?
I love summer walks. I was actually discussing this with Brendan earlier.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot?
Always. I'll always remember.

Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?
No, at my front door.

Have you ever cried cause you were so mad?
I can count the times I've been truly mad on one hand and all that happens is I swear a lot and I shake. I cry when I get frustrated or annoyed.

What is on your wrists right now?
Skin.

Did you sleep alone last night?
I slept with my teddy.

Have you ever felt lonely?
Of course.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
Haha.. I slept in so.. eight?

Reason for the last tear shed?
I was throwing up, and I hate throwing up. And I was frustrated that I was so sick.

Have you ever felt like someone wanted to forget of your existence?
Probably. Haha. Suckers.

What's your favorite color?
Black.

What color is your shirt?
Black.

What do you hear?
Regina Spektor.

Is there anyone home?
Nope. Everyone's at night class.

Last person of the opposite sex you gave a hug to?
Probably Phil, the love of my life.

Are you sitting or standing?
Sitting.

What would you do if you had no friends?
I would be very, very lonely and upset all the time.

Are you keeping a secret from anyone?
No, not really. Pretty much if you ask me straight out I will give you a straight answer.

Do you crack your knuckles a lot?
Yes. A LOT, a lot.

Do you have clothes that are not yours?
I don't think so.

What is your favorite animal?
Kitties and ponies and unicorns.

Did you dance today?
I paced a lot. And cleaned. Does that count?

What's something you can't wait for?
Sleep, actually. I'm pretty tired.

Have you ever kissed someone in the rain?
Yes.

Honestly, if you wanted to get laid right now, could you?
Yeah, I could booty call.

Have you kissed someone with braces?
Yeah.

Do you sing in the car?
Yes, always.

When is the last time you had pizza?
I can't remember.. I don't really eat it.

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
I really hope so.

Were you single on your last birthday?
Yes.

Are you wearing a sports shirt?
No?

Have you ever crawled through a window?
Many a time.

When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off?
On usually. It's easier on my eyes.

Are you short?
No.

Who was the last person you kissed?
Anto.

What would your last name be if you were married to the last person you texted?
Murphy, haha.

Last picture comment was from?
Err.. I'm not sure, but Jen "liked" my picture.

How was your day overall?
It was good, actually. I got a lot done. And I have a job interview!

Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
I don't know.. but I kind of hope so.

Who was the last person that you said "i love you" to?
My mom.

Have you told anyone that you missed them lately?
Yes. I tell him every day.

Have you ever liked someone that you didn't expect to?
Yes ma'am.

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
I don't think anyone at this point. Ask me in another week and I'll know exactly who I liked.

Whats going on with you and the person you last kissed?
We have a long distance relationship, without the relationship.
Not actually. We're interested in each other but I'm just hanging out and seeing where it goes. shrug.

Are you anyone's first love?
First real love, yes.

Did anything brighten up your day today?
Cleaning the house. Seriously. I'm such a loser. Oh, and Julia Child.

How are you feeling at this exact moment?
Just sleepy, and lonely.

Do you ever wonder how other people see you?
Yes! It crosses my mind a lot but I don't really dwell on it. I'm just curious.

Do you think you're a good friend?
I try my best to be.

Within the next 5 months, what are you looking forward to MOST?
Finishing second year. Getting a good job and working all summer. My friends coming home so I can see them. I miss them most.

Do you want to cut your hair?
Yes! So badly.

Would you rather have roommates or live alone?
I have roommates and I love them :) I think when I get older I would like to live alone though.

Do you have any scars?
A few.

Will you be in a relationship next month?
No. I can say that with confidence.

Do you remember who you liked three months ago?
I do.

elie saab

As few of you know, I like fashion. A lot. As in, quite a lot. One of my very favourite designers is Elie Saab. No, it's not a woman. It is a man. And he is fabulous. So when I had the opportunity to look through his Spring/Summer 2010 collection instead of paying attention in my Modern Architecture class, I took it.
First of all what caught my attention was the colours. Pastel. Everywhere. Lots of nude and beige as well. These colours are wholeheartedly achieved through the use of layering of thin chiffon-like fabric so the colours are more intense in certain spots than others. There is also a lot of beading going on -- not sure what I feel about that, but it looked gorgeous on Saab's down-to-the-floor gowns.
High slits, one-shouldered dresses, and sweetheart necklines are very in. Either arms or legs are shown, rarely both at the same time. My favourite was a more modern spin on a 60's-looking dress, shortened.
Behold.
Elie Saab.