yesterday

The best part of my day yesterday was the half an hour that Scott phoned me all the way from Kentucky just to hear my voice and wish me a happy birthday.
It was the only present I got.

happy birthday to me.

This is the second year in a row that I've been sick for my birthday. Yesterday I threw up seven times. My only birthday wish for this year was not to throw up again. So far, so good.
I slept the day away and for some reason, I don't feel bad about it at all. It's been a good birthday today.
It's amazing how much something as small as being sick puts everything in perspective.

Happy birthday to me.

survey one

Is there a person you wish you could fix things with, and why haven’t you?
Yeah, because I'm stubborn.

What’s something you’re not looking forward to?
Err... doctor appointment, dentist appointment, annnd midterms.

Have you ever turned to drinking or smoking to solve a problem?
Not "turned to" it, no. Done it because I was offered/just wanted to have fun instead of feeling like absolute shit for a couple of hours, yes.

Have you seen someone recently you used to talk to, but don’t anymore?
Yep. On campus. It's awkward.

Do you think it’s a bunch of lies when people say “I have no regrets."?
No, I think people can have no regrets. I think people may not be exceptionally happy with the choices that they've made, but I figure if it's made you the person that you are, then you shouldn't regret it.

If your best friend(s) needed somewhere to stay, could they live with you?
Yes of course! They're always welcome to both my home in Hamilton and my home in Guelph!

There's a serial killer inside your house. What do you do?
Kill him. Kill him good. Or go Spencer Reid on his ass.

Would you be the dumb person who gets killed first in a movie?
No. I'd outsmart the murderer. If it was a sea monster I'd be killed first though.

Do you get scared during scary movies?
Rarely. I think they're pretty funny.

Where do you want to live when you're older?
Paris, France. New York City. Toronto maybe?

Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2009?
Nope, not at all.

Have you ever kissed anyone you weren't dating?
Yeah.

Was there something that "made your day"?
Skipping school with my mom :)

Are you on any type of drugs?
Nope.

Anyone of the opposite sex been on your mind lately?
A couple of people.

How do you know the last person you were in a car with?
She gave birth to me.

Where did your last hug take place?
The car.

Is there something you're looking forward to?
My birthday and Saturday :)

Do you believe in second chances?
Seventy times seven.

Whats something you need to get done?
Get a job. Catch up on readings once I get my books.

Whats your favorite color?
Black. Grey. Purple. Yellow.

What was the most boring thing you did today?
Sit here on facebook, haha.

Have you ever gotten burnt by a cigarette?
No.

What's the last letter of your middle name?
E, and A.

What kind of tea do you like the most?
Peppermint and raspberry and Passion tea right now. Camomile will always be the love of my life, though.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
Eleanor and Anto.

Did you cry at all today?
Almost. My mouf hurt so bad at the dentist and I was swallowing pints of blood :(

What are/were you doing at twelve this afternoon?
Visiting my Oma to bring her food.

Have you ever kissed someones who's name started with a N?
Err... I could say no but I might be lying?

What does your 9th text in your inbox say?
It's a Twitter, haha.

Plans for Saturday?
Going home with Becca, then family dinner at the Old Mill for my birthday, then ABSINTHE! So stoked!

Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
Loud, usually.

Did the last person you kiss have a tattoo?
Yes, he's quite covered in them, actually.

Could things possibly get any better?
If I won the lottery, yes. There's always room for improvement.

Do you like being single?
Yeah, it helps me get my head on straight. I enjoy the shit out of it.

Do you like when people play with your hair?
Soooo cuuuute. Play with my hair and I'll probably swoon super hard.

When you're getting ready for something, do you listen to music?
Depends on what I'm doing and how available music is at the time.

Who is the last person you ate with?
Rebecca. She made curry soup and garlic bread and I had a piece of garlic bread with her :)

Would you ever try being a vegetarian?
I haven't had red meat in like... seven years? And at the end of this month I'm cutting out chicken again :) really excited.

Is there anyone you know that deserves to get slapped?
Haha, I'd slap one girl in particular. And then I'd punch her in the stomach. (I just fucking love making fun of this, have you noticed?)

Have you ever made out in a park?
Not fully made out, but kissed and was cute, yes.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Some people can read me pretty well, but I hide the things I need/want to hide very, very well.

If you were upset who is the first girl you would go to?
Either my housemates, my mom, or Brooke.

Who were you in the car with last?
Mom.

Any plans for new years?
We just had New Years. I stayed home by myself and a bottle of Crown.

Have you ever kissed on a boat?
I'm going to say no?

Would you rather have big or small dogs?
Either. Big dogs make me feel safe. Small dogs just make me want to cuddle them to bits, always.

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
No. They won't, either.

Do you want kids?
Yes! I want to be a mommy one day, so bad!

Whats something you want right now?
Something fried with a lot of calories. OR an entire chocolate cheesecake. Or something garlicky. I cannot have the first two, so I'll take something garlicky. Cue guacamole.

Are you okay with making a total fool of yourself?
Pretty much.

Anyone ever call you beautiful?
Huh yeah.

Do you have any tattoos?
None yet.

Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
Lots of people. I love it!

When was the last time you said the word sorry?
Probably today. I say "sorry" a lot.

What's your favourite season?
That awkward transition between Summer and Fall.

Everything happens for a reason, right?
Fully. Yes.

Have you ever tried gatorade?
Yeah. It replenished my body after drinking a lot so I could go to Jimmy Choo.

Are you taller than 5'6"?
Yes.

Do you like the colour blue?
I do, but not navy blue. It reminds me of my high school, and everybody knows how GREAT that time in my life was....

Where were you 20 hours ago?
At home in Dundas taking care of my daddy.

Do you like surprises?
I hate surprises. Just fucking tell me already. Or don't tell me you have a surprise for me and just give it to me. I hate the anticipation.

Last person you kissed?
Kissed my mama goodbye! But legit kissing would be Anto.

Do you have any plans for tonight?
Going to the mall with Rebecca to get hair dye, dying her hair, and movie watching. Then sleep. Hell yes.

Pfft.
That'll last all of two and a half days.

Grow up.

right

You were right.
You just weren't right for me.

this is twice now

All I need is the dress.

500

I'm watching 500 Days Of Summer for the first time, and I realized...
I am Summer.
So indecisive.
This is just reliving my last relationship.
Oh god.

dimanche

This is making me feel so alone.
I hate Sundays.

alice, and independent

I am strong. I am independent. I am done. I can do this. I can be alone. I can be happy. I am, I am, I can.

I'm in a topsy-turvy world. We're all mad here.

best friends

Without fail, there are always those people in your life that you can count on.
My best friend came to visit me tonight.
He makes my world go 'round. He straightens me out when I'm being idiotic. He supports me in the things I do. Best of all, he makes me laugh, and best of all, he hugs me just right.
He's one of the greatest people I know.
People like him remind me that it's going to be okay.

emotions, and staying up late

Staying up late, alone, makes you think of the things you miss most in the world.
Sometimes this is a surprising realization.
Somehow, no matter how much you tell yourself you're not in love with them anymore, no matter how many days you go through without thinking of them, that one person who changed your world will always be in your head late at night.
Being alone late at night just makes you feel more alone than you should.

arguing, and deja entendu

I hate arguing almost more than anything in the whole world. I truly wish that we could all just live together fairly and lovingly. Yeah, I know what you're thinking; keep dreaming, SV. But really, how great would a fair world be? No one would cheat or scam or steal.
Maybe some people are used to being bitches, but I'm not. I take pride in the fact that I've worked so hard in my life to be a fair, kind, nice and forgiving person. Fighting is not worth the consequences to me and quite honestly, unless it's in a courtroom, political house, or a friendly debate, arguing is so redundant. It's juvenile, in my opinion. Some people see it as sport, others see it as stupidity. I am the latter.
If you are really as smart as you want to prove yourself to be through the method of arguments, I'm sure you're smart enough to figure out a different way to express that intelligence.
Play nice, kids.

On a completely unrelated note, I found this picture a few minutes ago and it inspired me to blog in order to post it. Deja Entendu, my favourite album by Brand New, is the most inspirational and emotional album I have ever had the great privilege of listening to. I recently saw Brand New live for the first time and was completely blown away. It was the most emotion-filled concert I have experienced ever, hands down. Jesse Lacey is one of the most talented lyricists I know.
This picture just made me so excited when I saw it because for over a year now, I have been contemplating getting a tattoo of Brand New lyrics. I had my heart set on a slight variation of some, "I am calm and reposed/Let your beauty unfold". However, the places I wanted them (my wrists) may not be the best area to get this done on.
The tattoo in this picture though encompasses so much of my love for Brand New. It has made me rethink my lyrics and want to maybe go with the album's title.
Deja Entendu = Already Heard.

nineteen

I love my roommates and having heart-to-hearts with them and watching lots of movies with them and eating lots of guacamole and pasta and popcorn with them.
I think everyone should have people like this in their lives.

no bum syndrome

So there I am, sitting in class on a plastic chair with absolutely no give. Ten minutes go by. I shift uncomfortably. Half an hour. I'm sitting on my feet. An hour and seven minutes. My legs are crossed. I reach the hour and a half mark and finally we are permitted to take a quick break. Unfortunately, by this time, every single nerve in my bum has gone to sleep and the bones hurt. I'm sure they're terribly bruised. And I still have another hour and a half of class to go.
Why, God? Why did you curse me with no bum?
Yes, I am one of the few unfortunate souls who suffers from No Bum Syndrome. I have a hard time sitting on hard surfaces for long periods of time and I have an even harder time finding That Perfect Pair of Jeans. You know the ones I'm talking about. The pair that fits perfectly everywhere -- calves, knees, thighs, hips, and yes, bum.
Let's deal with the sitting issue first. I find that being flexible helps me contort into strange positions where I take most of my body weight off my bum and redistribute it onto my thighs, calves, ankles, or feet. Step number one: do a lot of yoga to get more flexible. The only downside to this is your entire lower body eventually falls asleep and you sit there, awkwardly shaking your legs out and stamping your feet on the ground, your face in a grimace of pain as the pins and needles seep out of your capillaries and back into the tomato-shaped pin cushion from whence they came. Short of bringing a pillow everywhere you go to sit on (and risking social suicide when you tell people the truth about why you are carrying a pillow around), there really is not much else I have found that works. I am sorry, fellow Bumless Children, you will spend the rest of your days being unable to ride a bike and sit still in class without moving for more than forty-six seconds.
The issue of finding That Perfect Pair of Jeans has a much higher possibility of being resolved. These days, there are so many different styles, types, materials, and brands of jeans to choose from. The trick is to TRY EVERYTHING ON. If they bunch in the crotch, don't buy them: you'll never wear them outside the store. If they pinch behind your knees, don't buy them: this hinders your flexibility and thus takes away from my previous paragraph about contorting yourself in such a way that you are not sitting directly on your bum. Pinchy knees are a no-no, no matter how f-ing cute the jeans seem to be. The best material I have found is 98% cotton and 2% spandex. These fit like a glove. You can also wash the shit out of them and they will hold up! An important thing to remember on your hunt for That Perfect Pair of Jeans if you suffer from No Bum Syndrome is to not buy jeans (or any pants for that matter) with an accentuated rear. Slim-fit is your best chance. Or, if you're like me and can squeeze into a size smaller than you really are, do it. Another trick is to either buy jeans with a very plain bum (as not to draw attention to your Lack Of Bum), or to buy highly embellished back-pocket jeans (you know the kind, with the zippers and the extra material on the pockets) which help your little bum look a little bigger.
For the record, having no bum does have its upside.
Look at it this way: by the time you're body parts begin to sag, you'll have the tight ass of a 20 year old.
Embrace No Bum Syndrome. It is a blessing in disguise.

snowflakes and eyelashes

So many blogs are not simply 'blogs'. They are our emotions, our trials and tribulations, our everyday life. They are things we want to say but often cannot due to the fear of judgement. The unfortunate thing about being open enough to write these things on the infinite gateway we like to call the Internet is that there is the very real possibility of offending others.
A saying I have always stood by at all points in my life has been this: Never apologize for your emotions. Never apologize for how you feel. Your emotions, in that exact moment that you feel them, let them in, or let them out, are what make you real. They give other people a fair amount of insight to the person you really are and the person you may become. They can even tell you what a person has been through and seen in their life. Emotions are powerful bits of personality that shine through, sometimes at very inopportune moments, which make us who we are. They don't define us, but rather they help us establish ourselves.
This blog will be real. These emotions will be real. I am not looking for hundreds of readers (in fact, I am not looking for readers at all). I am looking for a place to put down my emotions and therefore, my personality. As I always say, if you don't like it, don't read it. But I hope you do, and I hope at least one tiny bit of what I write speaks to you in some sort of way. If that happens, my job is done.
This is as unique as Snowflakes on Eyelashes.
Welcome.