this is over, isn't it?

i think it is.

i'm scared of being alone.

but this is it.

this is goodbye.

It doesn't matter how hard you hold on. You eventually lose the things most dear to you.
It doesn't matter how much you let go. You always feel your heart ache when you remember the things you've lost.

Sometimes I just need to leave town for a while to put my head back on my shoulders
And think like a human being again
And forget about you and the way you said
"I'm thinking of you, and how much I'm really beginning to like you"
And your face is slipping slowly from my mind
You're not there every day anymore
But you're there sometimes
And that runs me out of town
Again and again
I'm leaving again
Because you're in my head
Your eyes are there and they're staring at me
And I don't want to see them
Or remember that perfect blue
With the flecks of grey
And the straight teeth
And the full lips
And the crooked nose
And the blond curly hair
And the way you spoke
And the sound of your voice
And the way you picked me up
And spun me around your room
And the wooden floors
And the single bed that we crawled into that afternoon
And made love
And the dishes in the corner
And Fraiser on TV
And the way you touched my face
And the way my skin burned
And the way you looked at me
Like you'd never see me again.

You said goodbye at the train station that day
The last time you kissed me
The last time you told me you'd miss me.

Maybe you had the right idea, saying goodbye back then.
I'm still holding on.
I never said goodbye.
I said, "I'll see you soon."

It's not fair that people this young die.
I'm thinking of you and I can just imagine you in a place as bright and as beautiful as your eyes, smile, and personality.
We've sent up another friend to you; take care of him.
He's not the easiest to get along with but he treats the people he loves right.
I'm looking for someone to blame, but there isn't anyone at all.
I'm sorry.
There's not a day that passes without you running through my mind at least once.
I miss you.

We hang on until our fingertips bleed
To cracks in the pavement that you never see
We try too hard to be tied to each other
That nothing in the end ever seems to matter
We all let go eventually
No one holds on forever to anything real
Cause real is not real if it's just destroyed
In the end we have nothing but cheap plastic masks
And dirt under our nails
And sad tinny laughs
Our voices still echo (you still hear the hope)
But we're falling, still falling to the end of our rope
But that comes undone, just like our hearts
And the further we fall, the less we retain
Our memories trade places with the sky and the ground
Our voices are nothing but a crackling sound
We let go too slow because we are scared
But it just makes it harder when we're unprepared.

yoga works

This is absolutely incredible:

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=CNG.ce6e076d355a498ef621bad2bbef1a32.f1&show_article=1


Also, I start nights tomorrow in training because I go onto my line on Monday starting on nights. They're prepping us for our first shift. So nervous but kind of stoked to be able to sleep in tomorrow. It will be a good day.

the rest of my days

I'm finishing my Day 1, 2, 3 thing.

Day Twenty-Six: My week, in great detail.
-Today I had my first day of orientation at Toyota for my job. I will be in north assembly and I'm sure I will hate every moment of it. The money is nice, though.
-Yesterday was Mother's Day. My dad and I took my Mom and Oma to Valentino's for lunch, visited with Oma for a bit at the retirement home, and then went home. I fretted about moving back to Guelph but I finally did it around 9pm yesterday. Bedtime at 10:30, laid there til 2:30, woke up at 5.
-Saturday I went to see the Reason play with my wife Eleanor. I love that girl. I love the Reason. I love Jer Widerman. yes. Also, my parents found a 2000 Echo and bought it for me (mind you, I have to pay them back). I now own a car! I get it on Friday.
-Friday I bought work clothes, went to dinner with my mom at my Oma's retirement home, and then went to Guelph with Nat, picked Brooke up, went to Toronto, and partied there for Rach's birthday. It was fun. All my drinks were bought for me. Win.
-Thursday I stayed in and watched movies and read (I think).
-Wednesday I went into Toyota for medical and to sign my job contract.
-Tuesday night I drove to Guelph to see Brooke.
-I think it was Monday that I went to see Kelsey and Dean! So cute. And Kelsey made shells. I died and went to heaven. Love that girl.

Day Twenty-Seven: This month, in great detail.
This month, I went to the Dominican Republic with my family. We met some amazing people and some not-so-amazing people. Cute Brits. Spent lots of time with my family. I was happy and worried for starting my job. I worked my bum off finding a car and in the end it wasn't me who found it but my lovely parents. I partied with my brother, I partied in Toronto for the first time, and had all my drinks bought for me, and spent time with people who I'm not the closest with but at least it wasn't too bad. I got mad at a boy, I got stoked on a boy, I laughed a lot and I haven't cried in a very long time. I brought out my summer playlist and have been listening to Jack Johnson for the past two weeks straight. I got hit on by an middle aged man with a BluTooth earpiece in a Tim Hortons. I saw a black man wearing a white cowboy hat. I caught up on reading. I drove my brother's car. I got groceries and cleaned the house. I started working for Toyota and am anxiously awaiting my paycheck that doesn't come for another two weeks. I'm happy.

Day Twenty-Eight: This year, in great detail.
See day twenty-seven.
Add good friends, bad friends, roommate drama, lots of love, a little heartbreak, a lot of sleep, a lot of parties, a lot of drunken nights, and finding out who my real friends are. I love you.

Day Twenty-Nine: Hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days:
-Work well at Toyota, get a good reference, be able to go back next summer, and make a lot of money.
-Decide whether or not to keep my car.
-Be self-sufficient.
-Make honours again and qualify for a scholarship.
-Decide if I want to write a thesis or not.
-Laugh.
-Be happy.
-Be okay.
-Cry only when necessary.
-Hold onto my good friends.
-Shed the bad ones.
-Find a new place to live on my own or with someone I can stand to live with.
-Fall in love.
-Figure out what I want and go for it.
-Have hope.
-Get fit.
-Journey to England.
-Smile more.

Day Thirty: Fancy Tickler.
I've been in Guelph for one day and I already miss home.